January 2016 – Page 2 – emotional bulimia

kim jong trump

it’s true what they say about korean women. they adore anyone who gets photoshopped onto kim jong-uns face. donald trump, a total nut job who wants to be the next president of a place called the u.s.a got photoshopped onto this picture earlier.

look at how much they adore him. the girl to his left does seem to be looking at something behind his head, but other than that they’re well happy.

so, how does trump up that in the real world. the world outside photoshop and after effects. well, here it is.

are you serious?

yes.

ballymena – a cheap holiday in other peoples misery

ballymena is described by some observers as being at the heart of northern ireland’s bible Belt. there are loads and loads more prods than anyone else. in the early 90s the d.u.p dominated town council banned a performance by e.l.o claiming they would attract “the four ds drink, drugs, devil and debauchery”

although the council banned

t0388795/" target="_blank">Brokeback Mountain because it had gay stuff in it, a local shop owner who wanted to remain anonymous told us ” i like the toilets, they’re a very special place for me“

if you would like to visit ballymena or learn more about ballymena google it. if you just want a holiday in the sun it’s probably best you go somewhere else.

good luck.

ban stupid petitions

this is not irony for the sake of irony. you know the drill.

“All too often my news feed gets stupid petitions thrown up, the latest asking god to send back David Bowie. Some people may think this is light hearted, but in reality, not only are they are a waste of everyone’s time, they belittle the desperate causes that really do need attention and support as well as the the platforms upon which they reside. Can you please stop stupid petitions being permitted? ” – Tina Fleabag

– click here to help stop stupid petitions –

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“there is mass procrastination going on in the west, and it could have some serious heavy consequences.” – duplex5000(rapper)

is the 69 club the new 27 club?

so the word is out. if you’ve missed the 27 club but you still wanna go out in style the number they’re all talking about now is 69. dave and now alan being it’s latest members, if our researcher could be arsed we’re sure there’s a lot more.

so, shit ego’s out there older than 27, you can still be a legend.

here’s some bryan adams to cheer you all up. back in the summer of 69. (possibly one of mankind’s best years)

god bless.

heaven

when a fictional person dies many people who have invested time in that character struggle to come to terms with it. when a celebrity dies, it is very similar to the fictional character, unless of course you’ve known them personally in which case you mourn the person, not the celebrity (possibly both)

van goghs last words before he died were ‘I wish I could pass away like this…’

A few moments later his wish was fulfilled and he had found the rest he could not find on earth. He did not paint any pictures of himself dying to leave for his friends. he wasn’t that kind of man.

play it one more time. play it all night long.

dawn of the poor

so the torys today voted down a rule that would have forced landlords to make sure their properties were fit for human habitation. take that you peasant cunts.

– full story –

some bloke who shouted stuff at dave just got busted. stuart rodger hid in the bog at the hotel were dave cameron was due to talk and then burst in shouting stuff. he’d threw blue paint at nick clegg before, so he is obviously very dangerous.

if you are hungry, here is some information on uk food banks.

security is great these days

“poor people are so divided and stupid now we can do what ever we want” – tory

“i’m sick of fixing up that place for those tramps” – landlord

“so long as we keep the poor white people and the poor non-white people apart they’ll never figure out they’re the same and that we’re shafting them all” – posh dave

modern love

whilst lesbians and muslims can do pretty much whatever they want these days, ageism is still rife in the love game. modern love does not get me to the church on time. seriously, what is wrong with rupert and jerry getting it on? here they are a few years ago, we think they look quite cute together.

“modern love walks beside me” – david bowie

“modern love walks on by” – david bowie

look at that

“omg did you see it?”, “have you seen it?”, “you have to see it”… rarely do words ever mean anything much. this is clearly the case here. does she even know the man? has he bought a drink or just sat down , grabbed her paper and said in a stupid irish accent “sure would you look at that”?

not all irish people are tramps.

thought for the day – “it’s ok”

task for tomorrow – “deal with it tomorrow”

immortal tears

oh god. i never thought i would feel like this again. i still remember the morning i heard diana was dead like yesterday. she never released any records., and as far as i’m aware, she didn’t get totally wasted or do drugs or anything, but she died, and the media went mental, and we had to watch her holding aids babies and shit for ages.

but that was just the media

anyway, fast forward almost 20 loops around the sun. a couple of rock/pop stars die and suddenly everyone’s hanging out their flags like their best fuckin’ mate has died. it’s worse than diana, and there were only 5 channels on TV back then.

when jesus was on the cross some mormon dude asked him “if you could bring a future rock star back to life the way you did with those other dudes, who would it be?”

he never answered the question, and died shortly after.

it was worse than when princess diana died.

we have the bible and look were that got us. your little idols are dead, and you will be too one day, and not even jesus can get you out of that one.

“i love you all” – princess diana

“”i thought i cried, but i’d actually just wet myself” – secret shopper

“i’m pregnant” – princess diana

“there aren’t really any mines here are there?” – princess diana

“bring back….” – jesus (allegedly)

that sinking feeling

if you ever feel like you are sinking here is a checklist:

are you in the sea?
are you in a swamp?
are you in quicksand?
have you taken ketamine?

if none of the above apply then what you are actually experiencing is just a “sinking feeling”.

you are not actually sinking.

sit up straight, or stand up and show off your height. even if you are small. imagine you are in a field of long grass and you have a really long neck.

better?

try these anti-sink foods to help avoid that sinking feeling.

water
potatoes
chocolate
pizza
falafel humous wrap
cheesecake

“to try is to give up, to give up is to float” – mr ness

“if the head wants cake, cut off the head” – mr cake