The cost of a McDonalds happy meal could soar to as much as £50 in the UK if we decide to stay in Europe according to some cunt that works with statistics.
We Bobby Baldy Bollocks from Grimsby who uses Happy Meals as part of his training program said “It’s fucking ridiculous, I’m only 9 so I can’t vote, yet it will be my Happy Meal that will be affected”
His mother was in the toilets and unavailable for comment.
Burger King will not be affected as they don’t have any shops in Europe.
last week whilst trawling over the drivel that everyone posts on facebook, one of our vegan writers seen a gross picture of a pulled pork roll and was deeply affected by it. now some people may well think, yum, a pulled pork roll, but not this writer, his tiny little mind thought it looked like an abomination of flesh and gore, which is also how he sometimes imagines caitlyn jenners vagina.
so, in a moment of mania, the writer fired up photoshop, made this and sent it to our editor in chief.
we thought it was funny so we published it on our facebook page. a lot of others found it funny too, a few people told us it was in terrible taste (but still funny) , but generally there was not much of a fuss.
little did we know however, that the girl who had actually ate cait’s vagina (the pulled pork sandwich) was in a fit of fuming rage and had started sending us and our writers shocking abusive messages.
her grammar was a little difficult to disseminate, but we kind of got the idea and thought best ignore her rather than hurl abuse back at the fanny eating fucktwat.
her friend paul, who you may know from celebrity juice then got in touch. he was much more reasonable, but by this time the whole thing had taken on a life of it’s own so we photoshopped the vagina onto one of his pictures (can you spot it?)
yes we know, juvenile toilet humour of the lowest grade pork. anyway, as a result of “someone complaining” facebook decided to unpublish the page, and because of that we’ve had to go to the hassle of republishing the whole story here.
we hope you enjoy it, especially you lisa.
we know that most people can’t be bothered to read too much anymore, so we’re going to try and get this through to you as easily as possible.
what does this mean to the average pizza eater? well it’s simple, provided you are terrible at maths and believe any old shit you can eat as much of it as you like. so long as you EAT YOUR SALAD
lettuce generates negative fat fields when eat before, during or after pizza. these negative fat fields are similar to a lot of beauty products in that they sound good and give the impression they do pretty rad stuff. placebos have been proven to burn fat faster than exercise in concentration camps.
you’ve been warned.
following the recent climbdown from GBK regarding their recent marketing campaign, vegans and vegetarians all over the world are flocking back to the place like there’s no fucking tomorrow.
action group v.a.g.i.n.a which represents some dude called larry had started an online campaign of #trollbooking at GBK. upon hearing of it loads of the vegans went mental.
“members of the v.a.g.i.n.a team have been treated with some of the most hateful abuse we have ever experienced” claimed larry, the only member of v.a.g.i.n.a.
it’s not unusual for vegans to fight among themselves. 3 vegans ended up with bruised elbows once following an argument about who should take it. but it’s not like that anymore says larry. “they’re after blood now”
a vegan tough man (#vegantoughguy) from essex got stuck in too. we won’t publish his comments but here’s a picture. he looks a bit like wayne rooney.
anyway, it’s all sorted now. the vegans were so very concerned about the staff getting confused that a lovely vegan called aaron who is not a “dick” decided to call and cancel larry’s false order.
health, love, peace and happiness is restored and there’s plenty of room at GBK brighton . larry has also been banned from the group. feel free to play with them here. here is an episode of charlie the unicorn to cheer you up.
gourmet burger king did a ratner. their latest publicity campaign backfired in their stupid fat faces when uk vegetarians and vegans kicked off about their ad campaign.
John, an activist from brighton said, “we’ve also started bombarding their booking sites and are trying to actively engage other animal rights activists to do the same.” . We just make up any email, though it might be best to use a valid one. The telephone number we used was a local meat supplier.
click here to book a table at GBK
lawyers for v.a.g.i.n.a. (vegetarians against gormless industrial narcissistic assholes) have told us it is ok to make false bookings that you do not turn up to, so long as you keep doing it under lots of different names.
d.o.s. (denial of service) attacks don’t affect places like this. false bookings are the real work equivalent.
good luck.
music fans have been horrified by leaked images showing david bowie in a new cadbury cream egg campaign.
“i know for a fact david hated cream eggs” said one fan outside brighton train station today. “it must be a joke” said another, who didn’t have time to stop and expand upon his comment.
it wouldn’t be the first time the egg maker has courted controversy. only last year consumers were mortified when they decided to change the recipe. it’s a different type of controversy, but it does show just how far they are prepared to go to push sales.
photoshop guru tina fleabag said “look at the size of the head, it’s ridiculous, there’s no way he posed for this.”
do you work for cadbury? have you used photoshop?
let us know.
so the torys today voted down a rule that would have forced landlords to make sure their properties were fit for human habitation. take that you peasant cunts.
some bloke who shouted stuff at dave just got busted. stuart rodger hid in the bog at the hotel were dave cameron was due to talk and then burst in shouting stuff. he’d threw blue paint at nick clegg before, so he is obviously very dangerous.
if you are hungry, here is some information on uk food banks.
security is great these days
“poor people are so divided and stupid now we can do what ever we want” – tory
“i’m sick of fixing up that place for those tramps” – landlord
“so long as we keep the poor white people and the poor non-white people apart they’ll never figure out they’re the same and that we’re shafting them all” – posh dave
if you ever feel like you are sinking here is a checklist:
if none of the above apply then what you are actually experiencing is just a “sinking feeling”.
you are not actually sinking.
sit up straight, or stand up and show off your height. even if you are small. imagine you are in a field of long grass and you have a really long neck.
better?
try these anti-sink foods to help avoid that sinking feeling.
“to try is to give up, to give up is to float” – mr ness
“if the head wants cake, cut off the head” – mr cake
WARNING: NOT NASTY STUFF AT ALL
when people ask me about white bread the first thing that comes to mind is a sausage roll sandwich, followed quickly by two sausage rolls in a buttered muffin and then a bap and pasty with an onion ring on top.
this is a picture of a sausage roll sandwich.
ingredients
sausage roll (due to some of our more sensitive readers we chose a cruelty free linda mccartney one)
heel of white bread (end bit)
loads of vitalite (margarine, see above about the sensitive people)
red sauce (tomato ketchup)
gluten free recipe not available
