Tag: pizza

why should you always eat your salad?

we know that most people can’t be bothered to read too much anymore, so we’re going to try and get this through to you as easily as possible.

pizza diet

what does this mean to the average pizza eater? well it’s simple, provided you are terrible at maths and believe any old shit you can eat as much of it as you like. so long as you EAT YOUR SALAD

lettuce generates negative fat fields when eat before, during or after pizza. these negative fat fields are similar to a lot of beauty products in that they sound good and give the impression they do pretty rad stuff. placebos have been proven to burn fat faster than exercise in concentration camps.

you’ve been warned.

 

that sinking feeling

sinking

if you ever feel like you are sinking here is a checklist:

  1. are you in the sea?
  2. are you in a swamp?
  3. are you in quicksand?
  4. have you taken ketamine?

if none of the above apply then what you are actually experiencing is just a “sinking feeling”.

you are not actually sinking.

sit up straight, or stand up and show off your height. even if you are small. imagine you are in a field of long grass and you have a really long neck.

better?

try

these anti-sink foods to help avoid that sinking feeling.

  1. water
  2. potatoes
  3. chocolate
  4. pizza
  5. falafel humous wrap
  6. cheesecake

not sinking

“to try is to give up, to give up is to float” – mr ness

“if the head wants cake, cut off the head” – mr cake