Donald Trump has been accused of laying a man called Keith outside a Jewish chicken shop in Peckham.
Witnesses claim that Trump had misheard the word “Wreath” as “Keith” before screaming at his advisors and passers by “Get me a Keith, any fucker will do, just pretend he’s a Keith if you have to…”
Eventually a young man allegedly called Keith was brought forward only to be savagely slapped across the face with a gilted toupee.
A young Asian intern who was washing plastic spoons at the shop claimed Keith landed right outside their door with a “tremendous thud” and that it was “sad”. Police sources claim it is the first case of chicklaphobia to hit Peckham since the dark ages.
Donald Trump has declined to give a fuck. The chicken died.